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I was laying in bed at 3am this morning (AKA the hour of the most random and disturbing thoughts), when I began to replay the lyrics to ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’ in my head. Suddenly, the jolly lyrics of my christmas childhood turned into a sinister song about some terrifying animals.
All of the other reindeer’s are Jerks! They bullied Rudolph (8 against 1) for all of his life! In fact, they probably gave him his red nose when they were beating him up behind the toy shop. And Santa, what kind of pet owner are you? Turning a blind eye to bullying… you should be ashamed of yourself!
And then I started to think about what all of those years of bullying could have done to Rudolph. He could be normal- but who knows the extent of their bullying? Reindeers can bite for Pete’s sake! He could be a psychological disaster, waiting to explode. What if he didn’t forgive the other reindeers, and was just waiting for the perfect time to exact his revenge where he goes on a mad killing spree… he saves Santa for last. When he is ruler of the North Pole, he orders the elves to only make presents for reindeers of the world, but first he orders elves to only give children satsumas… laced with poison!
It all fits together…
I’m never going to listen to ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’ in the same way again. I’m also going to avoid dairy before bed- it makes my brain go a little weird…

Image from http://thedascrypt.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/and-santas-reinndeer.html