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If you’re reading this, then you are in the same sinking boat that I’m in.
You had your plan. Chip away at your mountain of work tonight, then you won’t have as much to do tomorrow.
You were determined, and happy about your aims… and then the internet found you.
What became 10 minutes has turned into an hour of looking at cute cats on tumblr, and laughing at people falling over on youtube.
You plan to return to your work and just carry on later into the night… right after you read this blog about hipsters, and watch ‘ 99 life-hacks that will change your world’ on buzz-feed.
Okay, okay… I really will start this work now.
‘Ping’- ‘Francis just messaged you on facebook’
Oh f ***!
Lets face it, no work will be done tonight! You must face the inevitability of the old ‘night-before’ essay or presentation which is barely satisfactory.
But instead of laying in bed at night, and worrying about all the work you could have done, follow my tips and feel happy about all the other less-important-but-still-kinda-relevant-awesome-stuff you did get done.
Embrace your inner procrastinator because if you’re going to waste time, then waste it in style!
Get off flappy bird!- you won’t do your work “after one more death”.
Write a novel you’ve been working on, or read a book!
Better yet, write a blog about procrastinating.
Your teacher has told you to read ‘Wuthering Heights’, and write an essay about how Bronte presents the inner feelings of the protagonists.
That can wait! It’s more important to gain a full understanding of the book first.
Watch the movie on youtube! Sure you haven’t read the book yet, but this will help you to recognise the main events when you do come to read it… the day before the exam.
And teachers! Are you over-faced by all the marking you have to do?
Just leave it! put your feet up, and watch TV. You don’t get time to yourself anyway really… apart from 2 weeks at christmas… 6 weeks in the summer… every half-term. Hardly anything really!
Besides, those essays are probably mediocre rushed pieces of rubbish that were done by the procastinating students the night before, hardly worth your time. There is a better solution… peer marking!
And to those of you who really should get working on that powerpoint for next weeks meeting- just don’t!
Live life on the edge, as you give an ‘alternative’ presentation where you stumble over waffled words that you make up on the spot, and hope it sounds sophisticated… even if it doesn’t make sense!
Calling all dog walkers, putting off the chilly decent into the twilight of the woods, with a barking fido that sneers (yes sneers!) at you as you are degraded to pick up their still steaming excrement to take to the nearest bin… which is a mile behind you.
It can wait until later! It’s better to research dog training tips, or buy a slightly used poopa-scoopa from ebay.
Sure it will be pitch black by then, and your odds of being attacked will have greatly increased… but isn’t it worth it?
You’ve learnt some new dog whistles!
And along with that poopa-scoopa, you’ve bought yourself some (slightly used) shoes, and a (good condition) book, on ‘how to use your time effectively’.
Fellow procrastinators, don’t you feel better about yourselves?
Me neither…

Featured image: http://howisavemoney.net/daily-life/procrastinating/attachment/procrastinate-now-and-panic-later-20/