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I was waiting for the bus today (late as usual), and in my languid period of boredom, my mind began to wander.

After questioning my existence ( and  thinking about what life would be like if celebrities ruled the world ) my mind stumbled over something that baffled me. How  wonderfully strange is the human race? 

Why is it seen as professional to shake someone’s hand? Who invented this! I could just imagine David Attenborough giving his own little commentary on a special wildlife episode about humans.

“And here we see the human trying to earn money for their pack. Shaking of the hand suggests that the human is off to a cracking start”

It makes me laugh to think that if the social convention for a professional appearance is to slap each other around the face, we would do this just like we shake each others hands.

And fellow humans! Why do we wear ties to formal occasions!? Literally a strip of fabric that designer labels extortionately charge for them! 

the human purchases an Armani strip of black material… Which he places around his neck. Then puts into storage, never to be worn until the funeral of one of the elderly pack members”

And it’s not just the long ties, it’s the bow ties! Like some Italian pasta fastened around your neck… But no one questions this. Society accepts these ridiculous ties. Then so must I!

A final remark, although more are trying to spring from my mouth, like a cornucopia of observations. We. Me. You! Persist in trying to perform tricks and challenges, knowing fully well that it will hurt. You would have thought by now that we would have evolved to think ‘ no. If I eat this jalapeño it will hurt’ 

Yet what do we do? WE EAT ANYWAY! Because heaven forbid if we should back down from a dare! 

“the human being attempts to skateboard down a railing, then jump down a set of stairs. He nails the takeoff, and wait! Yes… Breaks his leg on the landing. The skateboarding human friends are laughing, and uploading the video on to the youtube”

Not only are we masochists, but we are also sadistic laughing as we watch people hurt themselves… I find it takes up a huge chunk of my day, as I look up ‘epic fails’ and ‘the cinnamon challenge’ on the Internet. God bless humanity!

Fellow humans, your behaviour confuses me… My behaviour confuses me! But without the quirkiness of it all, I would not have smiled as I waited for my bus today. I may not get you; Even David Attenborough may not understand you! But humanity, I do love you!

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